In the beginning...........

My title is a little misleading, if not strictly true. I will go back to the beginning later on and explain the chronology of events which have led me on this journey, but for now we are in the present. The difficult, frustrating and painful present. As you have probably already realised - Today is not a good day. In fact I'm having quite a few of those at the moment. If I'm really honest, the last year has not been one of my best.......
I apologise if I ramble on, if this blog appears to be full of self-woe and too depressing, but I really am  a positive person and do not want to paint the wrong picture. I am using this experience, this new medium as such, in a positive manner. To make me feel better, to vent my feelings and hopefully as a therapy to make me more accepting of my lot, more confident in my future and to feel less isolated!
A little bit about me - I have worked full-time in Occupational Therapy for over 6 years and before that in several caring and education based roles with pre-school and school age children and their parents, young adults with disabilities and currently adults with disabilities and older people. I visit people regularly who have chronic long-term illnesses. I like to think that I have a good insight into these and understand how these conditions impact on people's everyday lives. Why then, now, when I have been recently diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, am I finding it so difficult to understand myself?
I knew something was wrong. The receptionists at my G.P. surgery began to know me by name, as I visited so often, when I only went there 3-4 times a year before! I fought to be referred to a Rheumatologist after being told by my G.P. several times that I was either "depressed", "had Post-Viral Syndrome" or that it was because I was "obese".  None of these hit the mark for me, I knew something else was wrong and I knew it needed sorting out.
After investigation, my condition is thought to have been triggered by a seriously nasty virus that I contracted late last Summer. It hit me for six. I was off work for weeks and I realised it was taking me too long to recover. I could not overcome this overwhelming blanket of exhaustion. I also could not rid myself of joint discomfort and pain, whatever I seemed to do or by whatever pain relief I tried. I was not in control - my body was fighting something and not winning.
As already stated, I was eventually referred to Rheumatology and the support I have received since being in contact with them has been exemplary. This said, it is still hard to deal with everyday. Perhaps this is because it is still early days for me and my condition is not under control yet. Here's hoping......
It is frustrating. It is overwhelming. It is isolating and it is lonely. It can also be invisible and therefore not recognised or acknowledged by people because "you look fine". I'm not fine, collectively we're not fine, but we are dealing with and coping with it the best way we know how. For such a common diagnosis in our world, why is it so misunderstood?
The problem, and I do not think that I am the only person who feels this way, is that people seem to expect it to go away, like a cold or flu goes away. After a while people stop asking you if you feel better, because if you are honest with them and tell them that you are still feeling rubbish, they get fed-up with the same repetitive reply! You say "I have good and bad days" and they want to hear you say "Yes, I'm all better now". I am probably being too harsh, but that is how it feels. You stop mentioning it as you do not want others to feel you are always moaning on about your situation, always ill, a bit of a hypochondriac.

My motto is "this condition can be a visitor, but it must not overstay its welcome!"